Going back.

If you read my previous post, I started working on that list. One thing at a time.The first item on the list is "Going back to school".  

For almost 15 years, I had one sleeping schedule. Sleep at 9 and wake up at 6.

I did not waste my precious sleeping hours loitering around cyberspace back then. I don't understand why I do that now though. I haven't come up with any amazing ideas in those hours I gave up sleep. I know my head hurts if I stay up late. I know staring at this stupid screen is doing nothing but taking me closer to being certified as legally blind. I am not much familiar with Biology but I sometimes wonder if my DNA has procrastination protein or should I say virus? Day starts with pushing that snooze for more than an hour. Every work will be dumped to "will do later at night" list slowly but surely.  And then at night, I am tired. Tired of doing nothing. I grudgingly sit and start doing grad student chores. (Read assignments.) Eventually, everything that needs to be done gets done. But poorly. This is no way close to what a rational mind should do. So, its only sane that I shut down the laptop and give my poor eyes some rest.

Sleeping early is as painful as waking up early. But hey, pain of discipline is better than pain of regret.

Mending myself.

We all have a list.  A list titled  "Things to do". Either on paper stuck on desk or in the back-shelf of mind. Few entries in that list need immediate attention. Few entries should have been executed long back but we haven't realized that yet. Few of them don't deserve to be on that list and few of them missing. If only we have the courage to sit down and go through it, tick each entry and acknowledge its importance. If only we realize that its time to dust off the indifference and kick the procrastination devil out of our lives.

The list doesn't matter if we are happy with our lazy selves, that is if things luckily go well. But unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. Result? We end up frustrated for losing control over things. We all know who is the culprit.

We spend hours on "social networking". We live under the illusion that we are connected and we are sharing our thoughts. But are we really? The last time I spent having a good long dialogue with someone  who shares my beliefs was almost two years ago. I had a drive to make things happen. I never let things go out of control. Because I was scared of compromises. I was tenacious and knew my priorities. Then I fell into the trap and time just flew. I turned 22 and I lost track of myself.

It took a lot of effort to sit down and revise that list. The list got longer and yes, I missed out on many deadlines. But I am glad I finally have all the resources I need to succeed. I will give my best and make this 22nd year count. Good luck to me and to the list!

P.S. Special Thanks to KP for being such an inspiration.

Walls

I want them back.
Walls high and thick.
All around me guarding.
Against lens of judgement.
Against everything that I don't care about.
So I can live.

Inside those walls,
will just be me.
Tranquil and awake.
Mindful of unfettered emotions.
Emotions repressed all along.

Inside those walls,
I am not obliged.

Obliged to act, react.
To answer any rhetorical questions.

Like who to be and who not to be.
For I will be me.

Inside those walls,
high and thick,
I will have my own world,
and I will call it my home.